The Ballad of The Sin Eater

And you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
You didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
You didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
Ah, but they hate you, and they hate you 'coz you're guilty, so...

Ted Leo & the Pharmacists - The Ballad of The Sin Eater

Sin, today I have been thinking a lot about the term sin-eater and the transfer of emotions(or in this case sin). For anybody who didn't see the film The Order the term sin-eater refers to somebody who, through ritual means absolves sin from the soul of a deceased person thus allowing that person to rest in peace. The practice was once fairly common in parts of Europe indeed the breaking of bread(or cake)is still part of the funeral life in some rural areas and is almost certainly a relic of sin-eating.

The reason for my melancholy today, is over the past week I good friend of mine has been missing her second life partner who for some reason has failed to log on. In this period I have spent quite a lot of time with her, emotionally it has been very draining on me. I really look up to both of them, I admire them and strive to be like them and one day I would like to have that kind of permanent relationship that they seem to share. I always try to be there for my friends when they feel depressed or discouraged. You see when I was quite young my mother died and I still remember people crossing the road instead of dealing with me and my grief, the funny thing is that pain I can still feel. I would just put my head down and pretend that I hadn't seen them. I resolved from that time forth that I would always be the first person by any of my friends side in their time of need, trying to help dissipate their pain, this is a custom that I have carried over into my second life, it predates Taimi and is something that is at the core of both of us.

I have found since starting in second life that it is emotionally much more volatile than our real lives, relationships, indeed people seem to come and go with a rapidity that can be a little disconcerting. I have already in two months seen a number of my circle of friends split up and move on to other partners, sometimes leaving emotional wreckage behind. My friend yesterday wanted to dance, it was late, I just spent a wonderful 45 minutes talking with one of the hottest blonde's I know in second life(I won't say it was you Sorcha!)so I took her to one of my favorite clubs within second life. I could tell she is one of the most bubbly people I have ever met within second life that she really needed to be held, it was so sad to see her so down and that’s exactly what I did. Now I should make the point I have no intentions of trying to break up my friends relationship I just wanted to be there for her in her time of need.

As we danced I asked her why over the last week she had spent so much time with me? We are fairly recent friends and I know she has many that have been closer to for much longer(she is very vivacious). Her response to me was very troubling "you do not demand anything emotionally". Now I commend her for her honesty but in other words my friend looks upon me as a emotionally cheap date, not even an acknowledgement of the cost emotionally to myself. Going back to sin-eaters and today I feel like one there is a famous prayer that goes something like this "I give easement and rest now to you, dear friend. Come not again down the roads or in our fields, and for thy peace I pawn my own soul Amen" last night I whispered that as I fell to sleep. The act of being a sin-eater is considered a cardinal sin and has an association with witchcraft. Is what I am doing that wrong? Am I right to expect any kind of acknowledgement?

Much Love

Taimi Valeeva

NB I first posted this nearly 2 years ago, many of the people in it have now left my life, oddly the girl that I took out and strived to be like, later after she left that club I replaced as manager, she now owns her own place we don't talk often, but I often think of her in my prayers. I considered reworking the whole post, but in fairness to my earlier work I'm leaving it untouched.

A Little Time

I need a little time

To think it over

I need a little space

Just on my own

I need a little time

To find my freedom

I need a little...

Beautiful South - A Little Time

Funny how quick the milk turns sour isn’t it, isn't it. I am often drawn into discussions with my friends (and no it’s not just a rumour I do have some!) about whether or not SL has a “shelf life” seeing as it is only a game. I suppose that one could argue that anything including life itself has a “shelf life” My view however is that the openness of second life means that in truth it our life here is what we make it. SL is just a chance to grow a soul, maybe a VR soul but a soul none the less LOL!

Often I am reminded that with our dreams give us the chance to pass them into the reality of action. From those actions stems dreaming again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living. Being in SL is something like that, like dreaming in isolation it is meaningless yet if we follow those dreams they can give us something more than the sum of their parts. I myself have had to reinvent my AV a number of times in my 2 years here to keep myself fresh and to keep dreaming, from a dancer, manager, panther, head of secret police(hehehe that was a fun one), builder, club owner and not forgetting partner!

Does that mean, you might ask, would I say “shelf life” never has a place, no..... It does for some and anyone that says that it’s just a game and that the losses we face are simply part of the game have never lost, and they can be very very painful However, my response to the above request would be simple and straightforward You had a little time, And you had a little fun Didn’t you, didn’t you While you had yours Do you think I had none Do you, do you The freedom that you wanted bad Is yours for good I hope you’re glad Sad into unsad. Go forward and turn your second life from sad into unsad even if you need a little time.........

Much Love

Taimi

Love Me Or Hate Me

Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.


Love me or hate me, that is the question.


If you love me then thank you!

If you hate me then fuck you!



Lady Sovereign - Love Me Or Hate Me


Love Me OR hate me....................................It's still an obsession, I can't believe it's two years to the day, since I join Second Life! wow! Second Life is very like this song.... well at least mine has been, sadly for a lot the time here I have allowed people to make me feel guilty for being happy here, how screwed up is that? Along the way I have hurt some people and been in turn hurt, by others.
The thing that makes SL unique in my view is that it has such an openness to it. You can do and be whomever you wish or desire, and there my friends lays both the joy and the problems. At what point does the wishes of others become a factor in living your life here? or indeed do they ever? These are questions that are hard to answer and after 2 years here I am still at times struggling with them, myself.
I have recently settled on the view that I am here, happy and basically people can take me for who I am or not..... Many people chose routes that are not like this and feel that because in this world it is so easy to change anything that it’s easier to simply do, just that and are able to lead full and happy lives here. That I acknowledge is in many ways much more stressful, and whenever I think of that I think of that old saying “it is better to be hated for what you are then loved for what you are not” I would change that I think and hell it’s my blog, so I can do just that ;-) Don’t let anyone other than you choose whom you wish to be, the first step, is to love who you are and then let people love you.....if they wish.
Another important point, in my view, is to give those you love the chance to love you for who you are, you never know you might be surprised to find that they love who you want to be more than they love who you think they want you to be......mm mmm I will have to try to get my head around that one later!!!! Giggles madly, I am and will always be Taimi there are those that think that they didn’t know me as such, and for them, I can shed no tear, it’s their loss and their obsession, for the rest of those in SL, I welcome you to share in my life if you wish, or to not, but it is on my terms that I share my life here with anyone. I do what i'm doin YEAH! So everybody's entitled to opinions, I open my mouth and sh**, I got millions.

Much Love

Taimi