And you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
You didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
You didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
Ah, but they hate you, and they hate you 'coz you're guilty, so...
Ted Leo & the Pharmacists - The Ballad of The Sin Eater
Sin, today I have been thinking a lot about the term sin-eater and the transfer of emotions(or in this case sin). For anybody who didn't see the film The Order the term sin-eater refers to somebody who, through ritual means absolves sin from the soul of a deceased person thus allowing that person to rest in peace. The practice was once fairly common in parts of Europe indeed the breaking of bread(or cake)is still part of the funeral life in some rural areas and is almost certainly a relic of sin-eating.
The reason for my melancholy today, is over the past week I good friend of mine has been missing her second life partner who for some reason has failed to log on. In this period I have spent quite a lot of time with her, emotionally it has been very draining on me. I really look up to both of them, I admire them and strive to be like them and one day I would like to have that kind of permanent relationship that they seem to share. I always try to be there for my friends when they feel depressed or discouraged. You see when I was quite young my mother died and I still remember people crossing the road instead of dealing with me and my grief, the funny thing is that pain I can still feel. I would just put my head down and pretend that I hadn't seen them. I resolved from that time forth that I would always be the first person by any of my friends side in their time of need, trying to help dissipate their pain, this is a custom that I have carried over into my second life, it predates Taimi and is something that is at the core of both of us.
I have found since starting in second life that it is emotionally much more volatile than our real lives, relationships, indeed people seem to come and go with a rapidity that can be a little disconcerting. I have already in two months seen a number of my circle of friends split up and move on to other partners, sometimes leaving emotional wreckage behind. My friend yesterday wanted to dance, it was late, I just spent a wonderful 45 minutes talking with one of the hottest blonde's I know in second life(I won't say it was you Sorcha!)so I took her to one of my favorite clubs within second life. I could tell she is one of the most bubbly people I have ever met within second life that she really needed to be held, it was so sad to see her so down and that’s exactly what I did. Now I should make the point I have no intentions of trying to break up my friends relationship I just wanted to be there for her in her time of need.
As we danced I asked her why over the last week she had spent so much time with me? We are fairly recent friends and I know she has many that have been closer to for much longer(she is very vivacious). Her response to me was very troubling "you do not demand anything emotionally". Now I commend her for her honesty but in other words my friend looks upon me as a emotionally cheap date, not even an acknowledgement of the cost emotionally to myself. Going back to sin-eaters and today I feel like one there is a famous prayer that goes something like this "I give easement and rest now to you, dear friend. Come not again down the roads or in our fields, and for thy peace I pawn my own soul Amen" last night I whispered that as I fell to sleep. The act of being a sin-eater is considered a cardinal sin and has an association with witchcraft. Is what I am doing that wrong? Am I right to expect any kind of acknowledgement?
You didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
You didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
Ah, but they hate you, and they hate you 'coz you're guilty, so...
Ted Leo & the Pharmacists - The Ballad of The Sin Eater
Sin, today I have been thinking a lot about the term sin-eater and the transfer of emotions(or in this case sin). For anybody who didn't see the film The Order the term sin-eater refers to somebody who, through ritual means absolves sin from the soul of a deceased person thus allowing that person to rest in peace. The practice was once fairly common in parts of Europe indeed the breaking of bread(or cake)is still part of the funeral life in some rural areas and is almost certainly a relic of sin-eating.
The reason for my melancholy today, is over the past week I good friend of mine has been missing her second life partner who for some reason has failed to log on. In this period I have spent quite a lot of time with her, emotionally it has been very draining on me. I really look up to both of them, I admire them and strive to be like them and one day I would like to have that kind of permanent relationship that they seem to share. I always try to be there for my friends when they feel depressed or discouraged. You see when I was quite young my mother died and I still remember people crossing the road instead of dealing with me and my grief, the funny thing is that pain I can still feel. I would just put my head down and pretend that I hadn't seen them. I resolved from that time forth that I would always be the first person by any of my friends side in their time of need, trying to help dissipate their pain, this is a custom that I have carried over into my second life, it predates Taimi and is something that is at the core of both of us.
I have found since starting in second life that it is emotionally much more volatile than our real lives, relationships, indeed people seem to come and go with a rapidity that can be a little disconcerting. I have already in two months seen a number of my circle of friends split up and move on to other partners, sometimes leaving emotional wreckage behind. My friend yesterday wanted to dance, it was late, I just spent a wonderful 45 minutes talking with one of the hottest blonde's I know in second life(I won't say it was you Sorcha!)so I took her to one of my favorite clubs within second life. I could tell she is one of the most bubbly people I have ever met within second life that she really needed to be held, it was so sad to see her so down and that’s exactly what I did. Now I should make the point I have no intentions of trying to break up my friends relationship I just wanted to be there for her in her time of need.
As we danced I asked her why over the last week she had spent so much time with me? We are fairly recent friends and I know she has many that have been closer to for much longer(she is very vivacious). Her response to me was very troubling "you do not demand anything emotionally". Now I commend her for her honesty but in other words my friend looks upon me as a emotionally cheap date, not even an acknowledgement of the cost emotionally to myself. Going back to sin-eaters and today I feel like one there is a famous prayer that goes something like this "I give easement and rest now to you, dear friend. Come not again down the roads or in our fields, and for thy peace I pawn my own soul Amen" last night I whispered that as I fell to sleep. The act of being a sin-eater is considered a cardinal sin and has an association with witchcraft. Is what I am doing that wrong? Am I right to expect any kind of acknowledgement?
Much Love
Taimi Valeeva
NB I first posted this nearly 2 years ago, many of the people in it have now left my life, oddly the girl that I took out and strived to be like, later after she left that club I replaced as manager, she now owns her own place we don't talk often, but I often think of her in my prayers. I considered reworking the whole post, but in fairness to my earlier work I'm leaving it untouched.
4 comments:
I remember this from your earlier blog post. It is still relevant 2 years later.
I'm so glad you're blogging again. :)
I think yes it is.....myself, but you do make a point which I did consider before reposting, however on balance, I think anything that points to the inner you(whatever anyone else might think you are)is always relevant.
Besides.... in part I'm trying to make a point with someone that told be it was all lies when I shopped my blog last time ;-))
Thinking of you and wishing you well. Joonie
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